Tired Is As Tired Does… August 12, 2008

There is so much stuff going on right now. And not just the Olympics.

I may, and or may not, have escaped death today. Well, I did obviously escape it. Duh, I am writing about my experience. But as to whether I would have actually died, well, who really knows? Here is the story…

My parent’s have long been loyal DirecTv subscribers. For like fifteen years. Loved them. Until our trees grew and blocked their signal. Not so much love after that. They call up good ol‘ Customer Service only to be told there was nothing that could be done. Short of cutting down the tree(heresy) or paying to have DirecTv come out and re-position the satellite(so not gonna happen). So they shut off DirecTv. I know. It was just about as painful as it sounds. I mention that they should switch to Dish. We had it and absolutely loved it. Nary a problem. So they decide to give it a whirl. Only it will take about two weeks to have it installed. Again with the knowing.

Fast forward two weeks to today. My father gets a wild hair and decides he needs a new tv. A flat screen. He sends Mama and I out to search for a good deal. We hit K-Mart, hhgregg(which is a whole ‘nother post) and finally, Wal-Marts. We chose to go with the Sanyo from Wal-Marts. Only ours didn’t have it. So we had to drive to the next town to pick it up. And here is where the almost dying part comes in to play.

We are driving down the interstate and it starts to sound funny. Like a helicopter is hovering right above me. Thwup-thwup-thwup-thwup. I can’t figure out what the hell is making that noise, but nothing is wonky with my car. And we are almost there and at that point I just honestly wanted to stop the car and see what was wrong with it. We get the tv and come back out. I don’t see anything wrong with the car. So we get back in it. And the noise is worse. But we have Dub in the car with us and it is hot. I figure if I go slow and am really careful, we can make it home. And we do,thankyoujeebus. All I have to do now is wait for my husband to get home and take a look at it.

I go to work. Typical day, people are idiots, it’s hot, blah, blah. I come home and go see if he has figured out what the problem was. He had. Back when I had my tires done they, apparently,did not put my lug nuts back on correctly. Or even tightly. One of them is gone. As in no longer there. Three of them are sliced in half.That leaves me with one. One lug nut holding my tire on it’s rim.One. I am very lucky I wasn’t in a massive wreck. My husband was slightly shaken up by the thought of what almost happened.

Now? He is very,very angry. I will be calling the Tire Company first thing in the morning. I don’t want this to happen to someone else. And now,if y’all will excuse me, I am going to bed. Almost being killed really makes you quite tired.

Things That Have Gone The Way Of The Dodo… July 25, 2008

They say that after you have a child your life will never be the same. That is absolutely one hundred percent true. And almost ninety-eight percent of that is all warm and fuzzy and gooey deliciousness.

The other two percent? Not so much. No one tells you about the other two percent. So I have decided to take it upon myself to let you know all about what you can expect to miss. At least according to me, that is. Let us begin.

* The very first thing I began to miss was the ability to sleep on my tummy. Sometime after the first trimester it begins to be rather uncomfortable. I liken it to trying to sleep on top of a personal watermelon. You know? Those mini ones? Plus, it just feels like you are crushing the baby. Not very maternal.

* The second thing I miss,to this day,would be my old bladder. Sigh. My old bladder was a champ. Undefeated in his weight. Impressive, no? The new bladder? Let’s just say that he cannot handle any of my Diddy’s funnier jokes. And yes, I know all about Kegels. I am the Kegel Queen. Wait, that sounded a little dirty. Let me rephrase that. I do a lot of Kegels. It ain’t helpin’ me not to pee my pants when I really get to laughing. That’s all I’m saying.

* Another thing that leaves pretty quickly? Your brain. No lie. Kiss it good-bye. You will find yourself forgetting the word for, let’s just use this as an example, cat. It certainly did not happen to me. Nor did it involve any sort of charades to try and make her bonehead husband understand just what in the Sam Hill she was talking about, thankyouverymuch.

* While we are being all Share-y McShare-pants, I miss my sex drive. If anyone has seen her, send her slutty ass home. Who has the time for the sex? No, really. That is a legitimate question.

*The ” Good Ol’ Days “. Being able to sleep in. Or just sleep through the night without having to get up. I’m not greedy. I would make do with either.

* A little thing I used to call privacy. You may refer to it as being able to go to the bathroom in peace. And by yourself, for that matter. Nothing says “love” like a little voice asking what you are doing while you are trying to do your bidness.

* And last, but certainly not least, my sanity. I don’t really think that needs much explanation. If you have children. If you don’t, call me. I will go in to detail.

Now, having said all that, let me say this. I love being a Mama. More than anything in the whole, wide world. But there are days I would like to run off and join the circus just for the break.

Thankfully,those days are few and far between.

The Best Part of My Day… July 22, 2008

My day did not start off so well this morning. I ended up having to drive my husband to work at the ungodly hour of six thirty. Bah. Work was work. Except towards the end. When this beeyotch made me get a frickity-frackin’ TRAVEL SYSTEM off the top shelf in the toy area. Because she wanted to look at it. Never mind that it weighed three million pounds. Or that I had to stand on a LADDER to get it. Oh hells no. Then, and here is the kicker, SHE DECIDES NOT TO GET IT. Wait for it. Because the cup holder on the top of the stroller was dirty.

Pissed does not even begin to cover just how angry I was. Still am. Monkeys will fly out of my ass before I lift one finger to ever help her again. Truly.

But the very best part of my day? Watching my boys “dance” to Louis Armstrong. And the rest of the songs on my dad’s Ken Burns Jazz CD set. They love it. They love all music really. It gives my father a kick to be able to share his love of music with my children.

Just like he did with me and my Bubba all those years ago.

Forkaphobia… July 21, 2008

I don’t actually know if that is a real phobia, but we will pretend it is. I’ve tried looking it up to no avail. Does anyone know if it is a phobia? Anyone? Bueller?

It is another one of my “family jokes”. I know. I have a lot of ‘em. What can I say. We are a funny family. Don’t be haters. Back to the story…

My father loves to run things in to the ground. And stomp on them. And then maybe jump up and down on ‘em for good measure. When that happens and we no longer feel like humoring him we say ” Okay, you’re done. Stick a fork in it”. This has been going on for years. Last night I decided to take it one step further. He was rambling on about something that was so no longer funny. I got up, walked in to the kitchen and grabbed a fork from the siverware drawer. Then I walked back in to the living room and stood by the couch until I had his attention. And handed him the fork. The look on his face was priceless. He later told me that he could not believe his only daughter would be so cruel. To which I replied that he was just jealous that he had never thought of it. Which was true. Which then led to the discussion of phobias( see why I never explain my stories?!).

Since I also love running things in to the ground I decided that I needed to make him a t-shirt with the definition of forkaphobia on it! Wouldn’t that be the funniest thing ever? I need to come up with a better name first. Anyone got any ideas? Lemme know. I’m off tomorrow and plan on heading up to Michael’s.

Because I also plan on making one for my Bubba. Hee hee. But I can’t write what I’m going to put on it because his girlfriend reads my blog. But it is FUNNY! After I make the t-shirts I will try to post a picture of them.

Week 3… July 14, 2008

It’s not going so well. I am very angry with my mother. I resent being treated like I am still in high school. It is really pissing me off and making it very difficult for me to remain civil. I am a grown woman. So is she for that matter. Jeebus…

My husband deserves some sort of medal. Or something. He has the patience of Job. Truly. He has always been sort of quiet towards my parents. Us living here has not cured him of that habit. He spends a lot of time with the boys outside or in our room.

We are just ready to be back in our own place. The kids are okay. The excitement has kinda worn off now. They don’t really have anywhere that is their own space. Plus, if something is on that my parents want to watch,then they can’t be in the living room.

I feel so stifled and resentful. I keep telling myself that it is only for a little while longer and “serenity now, serenity now”, but I don’t know how much longer I can bite my tongue. I am on the verge of exploding. And to make matters worse? I am off work tonight. Yikes.

Serenity now, serenity now…

How is This Possible? July 11, 2008

Here’s the deal. Why is it that going out to dinner with an actual newborn, and all that that entails, seems like a piece ‘o’ the cake compared to eating out with frickin’ toddlers? Toddlers from hell, I might add. H-E-L-L. All caps. Yeah, I said it.

I remember going out to eat with Nub shortly after he was born. Which meant the ginormous diaper bag, eighty-four changes of clothes, thirty-six diapers, six bottles, and god knows what else crammed into that thing. Can you say first time Mama?! Y’all know what I’m talkin’ about!!! Then there is the lugging around of the carseat. Which almost never fits into a booth. And forget putting it on a chair. Not my preshus baby! So you have to place it in one of those thingys. Which then gets you dirty looks from all the waiters close to your table, because who the hell can get around those monstrosities? Then you get to scarf down your food. Or bring it home. Good times.

I also foolishly remember telling my husband something along the lines of “not being able to wait until the boys were older, because then it would be sooo much easier to take them out to eat”. Suckers. It is so not easier. It might actually be worse.

Little weasels.

Next time? My husband and I are going out to eat by ourselves. Where they serve cocktails. And lot’s of ‘em.

How Now Brown Cow… July 6, 2008

Living with my parent’s again as an adult has been an experience. To say the least. It has been pretty amusing so far. But to be fair, it HAS only been a week. I expect tempers to possibly flare in about two to three weeks. You know, right about the time we all get really comfortable with each other.

Now please don’t get me wrong. I love my parent’s. Really. But they also make me nuttier than a fruitcake. I’m sure that I am not an easy person to be around 24/7 either. Unless you are my husband. Then you better damn well want and love being around my smiley self 24/7. But, I digress.

It is just surreal to be back here after all these years. The boys are L-O-V-I-N-G it. We may not ever be able to get them to leave. Really and truly! Want to go see the cats before breakfast? Check. Want a little coffee? Check. Want to watch Tom & Jerry whenever you want? Check. Want a cookie before dinner? Check. Are you sensing a pattern here?! It’s okay though. I was worried their routine would be disrupted by our having to move back home. But they seem to be rolling with the ol’ punches quite nicely.

Kids. Little milk suckers are quite resilient. Who knew?

The Truth Hurts… June 30, 2008

Some of you may remember the fall of last year when we lost our house.And all the drama that came after. I won’t go back in to detail about the whole situation, we’d be here all day! I will just remind you that we had found a house to rent and all seemed to be right in our little corner of the world…

The house itself was pretty awesome, or so we thought. Your standard 3/BR-1 AND1/2BA. in a cul-de-sac on a quiet street. It had a great front yard and an even better backyard. But what really sold us on this particular house was the back deck. It was ginormous and pretty much as fabulous as a deck could get. So we moved in.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving the dishwasher stopped working. I called the landlord. I should also mention that our front porch light never worked. Which he also knew about from the start. As well as the light in our foyer. But let’s get back to the story. We also had a new real estate woman in charge of our house. I didn’t much care for her. That was about the time we began experiencing problems.

Fast forward to now. With all the things going on in my life, from my father’s heart problems to my husband’s getting his hours cut to getting my own hours reduced, we haven’t had a lot of money. We have also been taking care of two households. And we were late with our rent. Twice, I think. Our real estate liason became, bitchy and it has to be said- smarmy. My husband and I talked and decided to go ahead and give a 30 day notice so we could move out. But before we could do that, we were given an eviction notice. We were told she would no longer accept any money from us until she had every dime. With late fees, etc it became difficult to pay the full amount owed. And then it was too late. Last weekend we spent my 34th birthday and our 5yr anniversary moving all our things out of our house and into my parent’s house, or a storage unit we had to rent. Good times.

I know we were late with rent. I do realize that. But what about all the times we weren’t? No body cared that we did not have a dishwasher,front porch light,foyer light,missing screens, or that we had a tree eaten up with termites in the back yard that could fall on the house at any time, or the newest problem- the AC was on the fritz. She couldn’t be bothered with ANY of those things. She could be bothered with being an Uber-Bitch when my father was undergoing a double by-pass and I was scared and stressed beyond belief. She didn’t have any problem with that. Compassion? That was beyond her.And now another bit of bad news. My grandfather has had a stoke. A Major-Large stroke. He is in a nursing home. It doesn’t look good. I didn’t even bother mentioning it to her. She would not have cared. I already know that we will not be getting our deposit back. Not because we trashed the house or anything like that, just because she will find something wrong. The sad thing? We don’t even care. We could definitely use the money. But we are so tired of dealing with her and that damn house.

Now we are moving on to a new chapter in our lives. We will be living here for 6 weeks to 2 months. We have decided to move back into an apartment for at least a year. Where everything works. OH HAPPY DAY! And then towards the end of that year to begin looking for another house. We are also taking a financial course for couples offered through our church. I felt it couldn’t hurt! And I will be going back to school in the fall. I need a “real” job. Not that I don’t love where I work. I do. I just need something where I can actually advance, have benefits, vacation, etc. So I will be going into Medical Office Management. My dream job would be in an OB/GYN’s office.

So that’s it. End of story. It feels good to be back on the internets. I will be able to be here everyday. OH HAPPY DAY! I can get caught back up on all the goings on in the blog world.

I missed you guys!

The Bitch Is REALLY Back!! June 30, 2008

So. I know I have said it before, but now it is really true. I am BACK! HA!

Due to some slightly weird circumstances completely beyond my control, I am now living with my parents.

Again.

Well, I should say “WE” are living with my parents. In my old bedroom. Swell times.

I promise to deliver a lengthy post tomorrow to explain it all.

In the meantime- I AM BACK!!!

As you were…

Um, yeah. I am back. Again. June 15, 2008

Hey y’all. I know it has been way too long since I have posted anything new. I do apologize. I shall begin to try and explain exactly what has been going on. You might want to make yourself comfortable. Grab a cuppa joe. It might be a while.

We can begin with my Diddy. He underwent a double bypass two weeks ago. It went extraordinarily well. He is recovering at home now. He looks wonderful and feels better than he has in what seems like forever. He tires easily and doesn’t quite have his appetite back yet. But he’s here. And that is what matters most.

My brother flew out for the operation. I volunteered to pick him up at the airport thinking that he would be arriving at a decent time. No big. And then he informed me that his flight was coming in at 11:38. PM, people. Still, I was okay with that. I am up later than that anyway. So I head out to pick him up. My parent’s are calling me to see if I am there yet, my uncle calls to tell me that everything will be okay, and then as I am talking to my brother’s girlfriend I find out his flight is delayed. By 45 minutes. Frick. We ended up leaving the airport right around 1 AM. I don’t think either one of us were asleep before 2:30-3:00. I then had to turn around and take my husband to work at 6:00. Then come back, take a shower and get dressed. Pack the boys up and drive them to their Momo and Pawpaw’s house. Then pick up my brother and go BACK to the airport to pick up my brother’s girlfriend who was flying in from Texas. Confused yet?! I was. And tired. And in dire need of some COFFEE! We all were. We hit up Starbucks and Panera for breakfast on our way to the hospital. We also picked up a little somethin’-somethin’ for my Mama, knowing good and well that she had not yet had any thing to eat.

We made it to the hospital fairly early. We all have books. We were told we would not be able to be in the same room with him until he was back in SICU. It sucked, but we understood. And then we met his nurse. Miss Ruby. What a jewel.I said that our last name was L. and she said that we weren’t who she was trying to find. The lady next to me started talking about how the lady she was looking for had these ” two cute little grandsons she had named Nub and Dub” and I turned to her and introduced myself as the Mama of said Nub and Dub. Apparently my mother had been waxing poetic about her grandbabies. Miss Ruby asked who we were and we gave her our names. And that was all it took. She immediately took us back to where Diddy was. We were able to talk to him for a few minutes before they began prepping him for the four hour surgery. It was a little scary seeing him like that. They had an IV hooked up yo his carotid artery, just in case. His doctor came in and introduced himself to J., J., and I. He was cool as a cucumber. I was very impressed. He explained what he would be doing and answered all our questions. Then the team came in to begin prepping him for surgery. We retired to the waiting room. And what would probably be the longest four hours of my life.

I don’t know what I would have done without my Bubba. He was a rock. Truly. He fed us, made sure Mama was okay, made jokes(yeah, we are those kinds of people- we choose to laugh rather than cry) and just pretty much rocked in the free world. Please don’t think his girlfriend wasn’t completely awesome too, she was. But she also had her own drama goin’ on at the same time. Really, what is the point of having drama if you can’t have a crapload of it going on at the same time?!

So, my Diddy is home. It should be all good. Except it’s not. He can’t work for another four to six weeks. My mother doesn’t work because she watches the boys so I can work. But now she is taking care of Diddy. So I have had to cut back on my hours. Which has hurt us financially. I decided to get another job. I am thinking about going back to work bartending on the weekends, but until I can find somewhere to hire me I had to come up with something else. So I am selling Avon. It was only ten bucks to sign up. I have a website, but I am pretty sure I am not allowed to mention it/pimp myself on my own blog. Which is lame. Whatev. If anyone is interested leave me a comment and I will give you my e-mail.

And now I am beginning the process of signing Nub up for Pre-K. Jesus. Pre-K. It pains me to think about it. He’ll be headed to college next week. I am joking, but damned if it doesn’t really feel like that some days. Time goes by so fast. Seems like it was only yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital. Okay, enough with all the moopy talk. I promise.

I am okay. Just tired and stretched way too thin. I am trying to just breathe and let go of some of the more unimportant things right now. Housework would be number one on that list! Kidding. Sort of. My house is semi-clean. Just not on par with my usual standards. I look at it this way- you don’t like it, then you can lump it. Or bite me.

I do feel better after unloading all of this on you guys. I need to get back to posting everyday, for my own sanity. Or what is left of it at any rate. Thanks y’all. You ROCK.