I just received an e-mail from a good friend of mine. Who also happens to be my brother’s ex. He has always been upset that we were still such good friends. And I could never figure out why it bothered him so much.
Until today. Today, I am ashamed to call him brother. I am ashamed of my own small part in hurting someone who never deserved to be treated like that.But most of all I am ashamed for not realizing what was going on right in front of me all those years. How could I not have seen the signs? I was a victim too.
My brother in a temper fueled by alcohol is not pretty. Even sober he can be an ass. He has always had this need to control everything, and everyone around him. I honestly don’t know where this comes from. We had the same childhood. The same parents. He was given everything he ever wanted. Even if it meant having to work extra shifts. How could he have turned out to be such a selfish,cruel bastard?Sure, he was spoiled. But then so was I. I guess I just really need to understand what has driven him to be so hurtful.
I also need to decide what to do about the boys. My brother and I no longer live in the same state. He is coming home for Christmas and is looking forward to seeing the boys. Which I find interesting, since he hasn’t seen Quinn since he was a baby. Quinn turned two in September. I don’t ever want them to be in any position to be hurt by him. Or disappointed like I have been so many times before.
He says he has changed. I want to believe that is true. But I have traveled down that road before. I won’t do it again.