Sara Smile…

Dear Sary,

You have been gone for a little over a year now. I miss you every day.And yet I am still so goddamned pissed at you for leaving the way you did. I don’t understand why you did that. I don’t know if anyone does. If they did, no explanation was given. It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

I guess I just really want to know why. Why did you do such a selfish, horrible thing? Why did you not see how many,many people loved you? Why did you feel you had not one person to talk to? Not fucking one? I lived down the street from you. Down the street. You can’t know how bad that made me feel. Still makes me feel,actually. I just never felt comfortable around M. I still don’t. She didn’t seem to care too much for me either. But you can’t really blame her. I was there for the whole T. debacle. Which should have been fine. I should have dealt. Moved passed it. Something. Anything but not see you.

Dude, do you remember that day we followed her to M.’s house? Because we caught her in that lie? C. had been egging you on. We were all hanging out and watching the race, or football. You decided you had to know the truth once and for all. So we filled the cooler with beer and drove to her house. We parked down the street and proceeded to spy on her lying ass. Until it became painfully apparent that she was cheating on you. Then it wasn’t fun anymore and we drove home. We sat up all night talking and listening to music.

We had a lot of fun together, you and I.Oh, the stories I could tell.I try to remember that when it starts to hurt too much. I think about the good times. Going out to dinner at Spondivits with R. Those damn Dallas socks you wore to work just about every day! Verne Troyer. Going next door to Alan’s to get your tattoo AND your piercing.How you would leave me coffee in the mornings if you had to go to work before I did.

I haven’t forgotten one thing about you,Sug. I couldn’t. I just wanted you to know that.To know that one person truly loved you exactly as you were. That you were the best friend a girl could ever ask for.

I guess all that is really left now is for me to finally say goodbye. I hope that you finally found the peace you so desperately needed. I wish I could have been a better friend to you. That is my issue. I want you to know that I will mourn you all the days of my life.

So long, Sug. Be happy.

Me

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2 thoughts on “Sara Smile…

  1. I’m sorry about your friend and your loss. So sad….

  2. jenny626 says:

    ETW- Thank you. It is still a struggle, but I feel better for having told the story.

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