The Top Ten Reasons Why I am Sucking it Right Now…

1* I am largely knocked up. Seriously. The kid already weighs 7lb,14oz. At 35 weeks.

2* My brain is just shot all to hell and back. It’s so bad that when I actually got a question right on Jeopardy last night my father about fell off the couch. Sadly, that is NOT an exaggeration.

3* For the first time in my life I don’t feel like talking. I KNOW.

4* I feel like I am hunkered down in baby- having- mode, whatever that means.

5* I’m also kinda stressed out. Jimmy might lose his job. Again. In about two to three weeks. Just in time for me to have the baby. Isn’t that hilarious? Don’t you just want to laugh at the absolute fucking absurdity of it? He may be able to get on with another part of the company(it’s an involved story, but I will tell you that it is a merger gone slightly wonky), but that would involve being transferred. Which would be fine, except I am pregnant and we would also have to have my parents move with us. Again with the hilarity. Gah.

6* I am tired. All the times. And if I’m not tired then I am peeing.

7* I am a raging bitch. Seriously. I don’t need to be allowed out of the house. And god help the next person who parks in a Pregnant Woman Only parking spot because it is liable to get ugly up in here real quick.

8* Did I mention that I am large?

9* I am also lazy. I can not get motivated to save my life. I’m hoping that nesting kicks in soon so I can get some stuff done.

10* I am going to two different doctors twice a week now and I am so confused that I just don’t know if I am coming or going half the time. It would make far too much sense to see them both on the same day. But them’s the breaks.

Okay, now you have some sort of idea where I’ve been(the doctors) and what I’ve been doing(raging at poor unsuspecting drivers and nothing). I’m sure that I will be better about updating once the bebe arrives…maybe. Probably. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll probably still be sucking it, but at least now you’ll know why!

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