Things That Have Gone The Way Of The Dodo…

They say that after you have a child your life will never be the same. That is absolutely one hundred percent true. And almost ninety-eight percent of that is all warm and fuzzy and gooey deliciousness.

The other two percent? Not so much. No one tells you about the other two percent. So I have decided to take it upon myself to let you know all about what you can expect to miss. At least according to me, that is. Let us begin.

* The very first thing I began to miss was the ability to sleep on my tummy. Sometime after the first trimester it begins to be rather uncomfortable. I liken it to trying to sleep on top of a personal watermelon. You know? Those mini ones? Plus, it just feels like you are crushing the baby. Not very maternal.

* The second thing I miss,to this day,would be my old bladder. Sigh. My old bladder was a champ. Undefeated in his weight. Impressive, no? The new bladder? Let’s just say that he cannot handle any of my Diddy’s funnier jokes. And yes, I know all about Kegels. I am the Kegel Queen. Wait, that sounded a little dirty. Let me rephrase that. I do a lot of Kegels. It ain’t helpin’ me not to pee my pants when I really get to laughing. That’s all I’m saying.

* Another thing that leaves pretty quickly? Your brain. No lie. Kiss it good-bye. You will find yourself forgetting the word for, let’s just use this as an example, cat. It certainly did not happen to me. Nor did it involve any sort of charades to try and make her bonehead husband understand just what in the Sam Hill she was talking about, thankyouverymuch.

* While we are being all Share-y McShare-pants, I miss my sex drive. If anyone has seen her, send her slutty ass home. Who has the time for the sex? No, really. That is a legitimate question.

*The ” Good Ol’ Days “. Being able to sleep in. Or just sleep through the night without having to get up. I’m not greedy. I would make do with either.

* A little thing I used to call privacy. You may refer to it as being able to go to the bathroom in peace. And by yourself, for that matter. Nothing says “love” like a little voice asking what you are doing while you are trying to do your bidness.

* And last, but certainly not least, my sanity. I don’t really think that needs much explanation. If you have children. If you don’t, call me. I will go in to detail.

Now, having said all that, let me say this. I love being a Mama. More than anything in the whole, wide world. But there are days I would like to run off and join the circus just for the break.

Thankfully,those days are few and far between.

Smells Like Teen Spirit…

That song came on the radio yesterday. It took me back to my junior/senior year in high school. Shut it. And Chris Wilkinson. My high school boyfriend. Ahh, Chris. Young love and all that rubbish. He was pretty hot though. Dude, he was in a band. All that long hair. H-O-T. At least to a young girl.

It’s funny to look back on that now. We weren’t all that serious. Mainly because I had NO idea how to be a girlfriend. And all it entails, if you get my drift. I was so nervous. All the time. It had to be difficult for him. I guess that’s why he cheated on me with one of my closest friends. Who then became pregnant and had an abortion. Which I believe was the end of their “affair”.

It was my first experience with betrayal and heartbreak. I was devastated. I never spoke to her again. For some reason it upset me more that she would do something like that to me than the actual act of cheating. I didn’t really know the “unwritten rule” back then. The last I’d heard she remarried(for the third/fourth time), and had child number two or three. I did see her in Wal-Marts several years back. That would have to be shortly after Dub was born. She is at least five years older than I am. Saying she has not aged well is putting it politely. Karma sure is a bitch.

The boy? We became somewhat cordial to each other. I think we were going to date each other again and then didn’t. I can’t for the life of me remember why. Obviously it wasn’t too important. I did hear through the grapevine that he married a nice girl named S. They have four(?) children together and are apparently happy. I saw him at the mall last year. He looked exactly the same. Well, minus the long hair. I didn’t say anything to him. I suppose I should have. We were friends once. The hurt that I once felt is long gone. Long gone and been replaced a dozen times. But still, it just felt weird. You know? Maybe next time…

No matter what, it is still a rockin’ song. Even after all these years…

How Now Brown Cow…

Living with my parent’s again as an adult has been an experience. To say the least. It has been pretty amusing so far. But to be fair, it HAS only been a week. I expect tempers to possibly flare in about two to three weeks. You know, right about the time we all get really comfortable with each other.

Now please don’t get me wrong. I love my parent’s. Really. But they also make me nuttier than a fruitcake. I’m sure that I am not an easy person to be around 24/7 either. Unless you are my husband. Then you better damn well want and love being around my smiley self 24/7. But, I digress.

It is just surreal to be back here after all these years. The boys are L-O-V-I-N-G it. We may not ever be able to get them to leave. Really and truly! Want to go see the cats before breakfast? Check. Want a little coffee? Check. Want to watch Tom & Jerry whenever you want? Check. Want a cookie before dinner? Check. Are you sensing a pattern here?! It’s okay though. I was worried their routine would be disrupted by our having to move back home. But they seem to be rolling with the ol’ punches quite nicely.

Kids. Little milk suckers are quite resilient. Who knew?

The Truth Hurts…

Some of you may remember the fall of last year when we lost our house.And all the drama that came after. I won’t go back in to detail about the whole situation, we’d be here all day! I will just remind you that we had found a house to rent and all seemed to be right in our little corner of the world…

The house itself was pretty awesome, or so we thought. Your standard 3/BR-1 AND1/2BA. in a cul-de-sac on a quiet street. It had a great front yard and an even better backyard. But what really sold us on this particular house was the back deck. It was ginormous and pretty much as fabulous as a deck could get. So we moved in.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving the dishwasher stopped working. I called the landlord. I should also mention that our front porch light never worked. Which he also knew about from the start. As well as the light in our foyer. But let’s get back to the story. We also had a new real estate woman in charge of our house. I didn’t much care for her. That was about the time we began experiencing problems.

Fast forward to now. With all the things going on in my life, from my father’s heart problems to my husband’s getting his hours cut to getting my own hours reduced, we haven’t had a lot of money. We have also been taking care of two households. And we were late with our rent. Twice, I think. Our real estate liason became, bitchy and it has to be said- smarmy. My husband and I talked and decided to go ahead and give a 30 day notice so we could move out. But before we could do that, we were given an eviction notice. We were told she would no longer accept any money from us until she had every dime. With late fees, etc it became difficult to pay the full amount owed. And then it was too late. Last weekend we spent my 34th birthday and our 5yr anniversary moving all our things out of our house and into my parent’s house, or a storage unit we had to rent. Good times.

I know we were late with rent. I do realize that. But what about all the times we weren’t? No body cared that we did not have a dishwasher,front porch light,foyer light,missing screens, or that we had a tree eaten up with termites in the back yard that could fall on the house at any time, or the newest problem- the AC was on the fritz. She couldn’t be bothered with ANY of those things. She could be bothered with being an Uber-Bitch when my father was undergoing a double by-pass and I was scared and stressed beyond belief. She didn’t have any problem with that. Compassion? That was beyond her.And now another bit of bad news. My grandfather has had a stoke. A Major-Large stroke. He is in a nursing home. It doesn’t look good. I didn’t even bother mentioning it to her. She would not have cared. I already know that we will not be getting our deposit back. Not because we trashed the house or anything like that, just because she will find something wrong. The sad thing? We don’t even care. We could definitely use the money. But we are so tired of dealing with her and that damn house.

Now we are moving on to a new chapter in our lives. We will be living here for 6 weeks to 2 months. We have decided to move back into an apartment for at least a year. Where everything works. OH HAPPY DAY! And then towards the end of that year to begin looking for another house. We are also taking a financial course for couples offered through our church. I felt it couldn’t hurt! And I will be going back to school in the fall. I need a “real” job. Not that I don’t love where I work. I do. I just need something where I can actually advance, have benefits, vacation, etc. So I will be going into Medical Office Management. My dream job would be in an OB/GYN’s office.

So that’s it. End of story. It feels good to be back on the internets. I will be able to be here everyday. OH HAPPY DAY! I can get caught back up on all the goings on in the blog world.

I missed you guys!