The One With the Vacay…mmmkay?

At approximately five-o-clock Friday morning my husband will be leaving me to go on his Man Trip. To do manly things. Like fishing. And who knows what else. Mainly I suspect it will involve a lot of sleeping through the night. That bastard. What? Was that out loud? Sorry. Mostly…

Where was I? Oh yes. I will have all three children by myself. I am a teeny bit with the nervous. I can admit that. For some crazy reason, or as I now believe, a moment of lack of sleep induced madness, I told the boys I would take them to Fernbank. Madness. Sheer madness. I may or may not have told them they could invite their cousin. ‘Cause really, at that point what’s one more child? But that really could have been a conversation I was having with myself inside my head. I dunno. Guess we will have to wait and see! They love FernbankĀ and are so excited about going. I love that it’s air-conditioned. What? I live in the South. It’s already hotter than the hammered down hinges and it’s only May.(although we have had a couple of strange days where it has been rather cool.) I need to pick up a few things before we go. Namely, a baby carrier. Then I would have both hands free! See the genius there? See it? The girl is good.

The hubs had been making all the appropriate noises about how he will miss me, the kids, blah, blah, blah. But secretly I think he is excited to be able to do things by himself. That would probably include going potty by himself. The thought of that would be enough to send me into peals of rapture. And did I mention the sleeping? By himself? Not having to wake up and feed the baby? And the frickin’ sleeping? Although I really can’t complain. I am going out with my girlfriends next week AND I have a girl’s only trip planned for the Fall. That involves outlet malls and lots of SHOPPING. And a Coach store. That’s all I’m saying.

As long as he comes home with a present it’ll all be good. I do love me some tacky souvenirs.


The Bitch Is REALLY Back!!

So. I know I have said it before, but now it is really true. I am BACK! HA!

Due to some slightly weird circumstances completely beyond my control, I am now living with my parents.


Well, I should say “WE” are living with my parents. In my old bedroom. Swell times.

I promise to deliver a lengthy post tomorrow to explain it all.

In the meantime- I AM BACK!!!

As you were…

No Nookie for you…

If anyone is uncomfortable with the subject of sex, then now is the time to leave.

Still here? Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I am hardly ever in the mood for sex. There, I said it. My husband is begining to feel resentful. Okay,okay, he is pissed off and acting like an asshole. To which I say “pllllllllttttt”. I am tired. I am working about thirty hours a week. Plus, the housework, cooking dinner, taking care of children, etc. To hear my husband tell it you would think I was sitting around in a slinky negligee, eating bon-bons, whilst some hunky man is fanning me with a palm frond. Get real.

Don’t get me wrong, I like sex. Our sex life before we had children was fabulous. TMI? It’s still wonderful, but I am just exhausted most of the time. Methinks a vacation is in order. A grown-ups only vacation. Hint-Hint.(I don’t know why I am hinting, you all know what I mean!!!). We will have to just wait and see. In the meantime, I am just going to have to give it up. Anybody got any ideas to rekindle the romance,so to speak?

And now I have to head back to the old house. My bon-bons are calling my name.


Sorry y’all. This last weekend was a doozy.

My husband developed an abscess on an unusual part of his anatomy. Oh fine. It was on his ass. Are you happy now? Back to the story. He started running a low grade fever late Friday night. We went to the ER on Saturday afternoon. It wasn’t good.

He has MRSA. They are fairly certain they got it early enough. I will spare you the details. You can thank me later. He is taking three antibiotics and percocet. We go back to the doctor tomorrow to have the packing removed. And then back again on Wednesday. After that, he should be fine. Thank God. I have never been so scared in my life. And beat. Emotional upheavals really kick my ass. I’ll be back tomorrow with news of his condition.

If you believe in prayer, please say one for us now. Thank you.

Thanks For The Memories…

Wow. It is official. I posted for thirty days straight. Sometimes more than once. I am so proud of myself for sticking with it. It was hard. I won’t lie to you. But I did it. My final NaBloPoMo post is going to be about how I met my husband. I figure he deserves it since I am always ragging on the poor guy. So Honey, this one’s for you.

My little brother actually knew him first. They went to Bill Arp Elementary School together. Jeff went on to Fairplay and Jimmy moved to Detroit. They met up again their senior year of high school. And then didn’t see each other for years.

In the mean time, I grew up. My brother and I had always been close friends and we used to hang out with this same group of friends. God, the fun we had. One of our friends worked in the kitchen of Taco Mac. His name was Eric. We used to always go up to the Mac on Friday and Saturday nights after we got off work. Jeff and I were working at Alpine together then. Anyway, we would all get together and drink and be rowdy and just have fun. It amazes me to this day how long it took for Jimmy and I to actually meet.

One night I noticed Eric seemed upset. I went up to the bar and asked him if he was okay. He wasn’t. He told me his brother was in the hospital and he didn’t know any more details. Everyone was pretty somber that night. We didn’t see him for a few days. The next weekend he was back and let us all know that his brother was fine, and had moved in with him for a little while.

About two weeks later, after a late night, we all went back to Eric and John’s apartment to hang out and play cards. I walked in the door and almost died. There was the hottest guy sitting on the couch reading Harry Potter. I was terribly nervous. I don’t remember what I said to him, but I am sure it was something really dumb. He barely even said two words back. It was Jimmy, Eric’s brother.

Over the next few weeks we would hang out more and more at their house. And it was always my idea. I would try desperately to get him to talk to me. One night we came back to their apartment and there was this girl there. My heart literally stopped. I was so crushed. It was his ex-girlfriend, I found out later. You would never have known it from the way she acted. She was an evil bitch, but that is a whole different post. We finally started talking, and one thing led to another. And we hooked up. I am not terribly proud of myself for that. But it is the truth. That was right around Thanksgiving of that year. We saw each other a few times and then nothing. For like a week. I was confused. I was at work one night talking to a girlfriend about where the “relationship” was going, and I didn’t know if he was the one, blah,blah,blah, and one of the girls came up to me and told me there was someone here to see me.

I remember wondering who it could be. I walked down the ramp towards the host stand, and there stood Jimmy. With a dozen roses in his hands. They were a pale cream color with blush tips. My favorite roses. I don’t know how he knew that because I generally don’t care for roses. I am more of a daisy girl. But he did, and I still have them to this day.

He explained that he had been sick. He wasn’t sure where we were going yet either, but he would like to find out. Our first date was at Sweetwater Park. We walked and talked for hours. It was the best date of my life. We both decided not to see other people. Which was fine by me. I was sick of dating by then. I was ready to be with him. And only him, for the rest of my life. I knew he was the one and had known it in my heart all along.

Six months later we were married at Sweetwater Park. Surrounded by our family and friends. It was the best day of my life. The luckiest day of my life. And a choice I have never once regretted making.

Things You Shouldn’t Have To Tell Your Husband When You Have Been Married For Five Years, Or Possibly EVER…

* When taking our children out of the house, please dress them appropriately for the weather conditions. For example, if it is cold and damp, please make sure they are at the very least wearing pants of some sort. And a shirt.Mmmkay?

* When their training pants are trailing the ground, it is probably time to change them. Or better yet, why weren’t YOU taking them potty? They don’t train themselves.

* When you are bringing them in from the car, please remember to bring in their damn cups. Please. I am begging you on this one.

* When you are washing clothes, please put the powder in FIRST and let it sit there for a second BEFORE you stuff the clothes in,thankyouverymuch.


* No scary movies when the boys are awake. EVER. Even if you say ” What? This is NOT scary”. Yes, it is. They are two and four.

* When I finally get to watch tv, quit playing the Wacker Game whilst I am trying to watch football. Or I will kill you dead. There are three other rooms for you all to play in. A deck. And a backyard. Pick one and go there.

* Quit piling the trash on an already over-flowing garbage can. TAKE IT OUT ALREADY.

And I believe this ends our session for today! Happy Thursday, Everybody!!

Edited to add:

* Why must you park as far away as possible when there is a perfectly good spot right in front?!