That’s Ms. Bitchy McBitcherson To You…

Jeebus. I’m not even sure where to start. Umm, maybe with the Geico Gecko…

Anyone else wishing for a big, screechy hawk(or eagle)to come swooping out of the sky and snatch that little annoying bastard right up?Thereby snapping his weaselly spine in the process and also inflicting unspeakable pain upon him? Anyone?

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What do the words “freshly laundered and laid flat in a laundry basket(or something comparable), fall and winter clothing only, please limit it to ONE basket per visit” mean to you? Do they mean throw them in a garbage bag? Without washing them. Or maybe bring in your entire house? Again, without washing one damn thing. I honestly am just about done with the sheer stupidity of some of these people. What really kills me is when they call to ask what the procedures are before coming to the store. And then don’t follow a single one of them. I also enjoy being bitched out for not taking spotted or smelly clothing. That’s my favorite. Especially when they get all offended.

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Living with your parents.

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Not being able to watch my shows. Oh wait, that goes with the last one.

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I miss my girlfriends. I don’t get to see them nearly as much right now. My mother doesn’t believe that I should have any sort of a social life. After all, I am a mama now. Mama’s don’t do that. And by social life? I mean any sort of social life. Right before my last knee surgery Jimmy and I had made a date to go to dinner and bowling with my BFF and her Honey. My mom was going to keep the boys overnight. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Yeah, she let us know that they would NOT be keeping them overnight after all as we were dropping them off. Good times. Fast forward to the next time I made plans to go out with my BFF to celebrate a little thing I like to call her COLLEGE GRADUATION. A minor event in a person’s life. Two hours before I was set to meet her, my mom backed out. Her reason? She forgot. Even though I had reminded her every day. For. A. Week. Bah.

I am still mad.

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And now I am done. I think. I do reserve the right to add to this later. I am going to relax and read one of the bajillion books I picked up whilst Yard Sale-ing yesterday. Y’all remind me to tell you all about the Steal ‘o’ The Century. Truly.

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True Story…

I am watching the Olympics. I am also on the internets. It’s called multi-tasking. I am good at it. So I am looking for something and I see a headline about Christina Applegate having cancer. I freak out a little bit because I have always liked her a lot. I go to the site and read the story and heave a big ol’ sigh of relief. You know, us being all BFF-y and such. I then see that Paul Newman may have weeks to live. So I read I that story. Speculation, no confirmation,blah-blah. Then at the bottom is this comment.

“Paul, you are in my prayers. You remind me so much of my uncle and I have always respected you as an actor and a salad dressing.” by an anonymous person on the hollywood.com site.

The first part was just sweet. And then I read the last bit and got hysterical. I can’t stop laughing. I mean really. How inappropriate can you be?

Who the hell comes up with this stuff? Better yet, is this person serious?

That’s all you can think of to say? What a wack-a-doo.

Question?

Can anyone explain why Caillou, who is four, still does not have hair? Because I am stumped. I unfortunately had to watch an episode this morning with Nub and Dub.Believe it or not it was one that I had not seen 36548 times.

Where was I? Oh yes, in the episode it shows a flashback of his Dad at his age, and here is the kicker- he has a head full of hair. So what happened? Why is that whiny little shit still bald as a billiard ball?

And here is another question for ya. Why in the hell do I really care?

I may need to get out more. Sad, I know.

Things You Shouldn’t Have To Tell Your Husband When You Have Been Married For Five Years, Or Possibly EVER…

* When taking our children out of the house, please dress them appropriately for the weather conditions. For example, if it is cold and damp, please make sure they are at the very least wearing pants of some sort. And a shirt.Mmmkay?

* When their training pants are trailing the ground, it is probably time to change them. Or better yet, why weren’t YOU taking them potty? They don’t train themselves.

* When you are bringing them in from the car, please remember to bring in their damn cups. Please. I am begging you on this one.

* When you are washing clothes, please put the powder in FIRST and let it sit there for a second BEFORE you stuff the clothes in,thankyouverymuch.

* PLEASE STOP LETTING THE BOYS EAT IN THE LIVING ROOM. YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO WILL BE CLEANING THE DAMN CARPET. AGAIN.

* No scary movies when the boys are awake. EVER. Even if you say ” What? This is NOT scary”. Yes, it is. They are two and four.

* When I finally get to watch tv, quit playing the Wacker Game whilst I am trying to watch football. Or I will kill you dead. There are three other rooms for you all to play in. A deck. And a backyard. Pick one and go there.

* Quit piling the trash on an already over-flowing garbage can. TAKE IT OUT ALREADY.

And I believe this ends our session for today! Happy Thursday, Everybody!!

Edited to add:

* Why must you park as far away as possible when there is a perfectly good spot right in front?!

Can I get an amen?

I cannot stand watching celebrities/athletes/public figures, getting into trouble and then- BAM! Heavenly father, please forgive me, I HAVE FOUND JESUS.

Um, okay. I don’t really think you are supposed to use religion like a get-out-of-jail-free card. It just really burns my ass. Just say you’re sorry, take your punishment and get on with your life. Please. I don’t need to hear about how wonderful your life has become since you accepted Jesus into it. Really? It wasn’t wonderful when you were making a gabillion dollars? It wasn’t wonderful when you were at the Oscar’s in a Galliano dress? It wasn’t wonderful when you got to go to the Superbowl, and stand on the sidelines?

Because all that stuff sounds pretty damn good to me. But, maybe that’s just me. Or? Maybe it is because I already know the presence of God in my life.