They say that after you have a child your life will never be the same. That is absolutely one hundred percent true. And almost ninety-eight percent of that is all warm and fuzzy and gooey deliciousness.
The other two percent? Not so much. No one tells you about the other two percent. So I have decided to take it upon myself to let you know all about what you can expect to miss. At least according to me, that is. Let us begin.
* The very first thing I began to miss was the ability to sleep on my tummy. Sometime after the first trimester it begins to be rather uncomfortable. I liken it to trying to sleep on top of a personal watermelon. You know? Those mini ones? Plus, it just feels like you are crushing the baby. Not very maternal.
* The second thing I miss,to this day,would be my old bladder. Sigh. My old bladder was a champ. Undefeated in his weight. Impressive, no? The new bladder? Let’s just say that he cannot handle any of my Diddy’s funnier jokes. And yes, I know all about Kegels. I am the Kegel Queen. Wait, that sounded a little dirty. Let me rephrase that. I do a lot of Kegels. It ain’t helpin’ me not to pee my pants when I really get to laughing. That’s all I’m saying.
* Another thing that leaves pretty quickly? Your brain. No lie. Kiss it good-bye. You will find yourself forgetting the word for, let’s just use this as an example, cat. It certainly did not happen to me. Nor did it involve any sort of charades to try and make her bonehead husband understand just what in the Sam Hill she was talking about, thankyouverymuch.
* While we are being all Share-y McShare-pants, I miss my sex drive. If anyone has seen her, send her slutty ass home. Who has the time for the sex? No, really. That is a legitimate question.
*The ” Good Ol’ Days “. Being able to sleep in. Or just sleep through the night without having to get up. I’m not greedy. I would make do with either.
* A little thing I used to call privacy. You may refer to it as being able to go to the bathroom in peace. And by yourself, for that matter. Nothing says “love” like a little voice asking what you are doing while you are trying to do your bidness.
* And last, but certainly not least, my sanity. I don’t really think that needs much explanation. If you have children. If you don’t, call me. I will go in to detail.
Now, having said all that, let me say this. I love being a Mama. More than anything in the whole, wide world. But there are days I would like to run off and join the circus just for the break.
Thankfully,those days are few and far between.